


Use Me and Leave Me

by TheHighlyFunctioningGay



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gay Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Oral Sex, Prostitution, Shyness, Table Sex, porn star
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHighlyFunctioningGay/pseuds/TheHighlyFunctioningGay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a shy Tom Hiddleston needs help dealing with women, his agent employs the services of Ryan, a porn star and prostitute. Much to their own surprise, they end up falling for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Use Me and Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EversincethatNaomi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EversincethatNaomi/gifts).



> "Looking at you,  
> Holding my breath.  
> For once in my life,  
> I'm scared to death.  
> I'm taking a chance,  
> Letting you inside."  
> -Lifehouse, First Time

Ryan heard a soft beeping coming from the corner of his room. It’s the alarm clock, he realized. He could barely hear it over his client’s heavy breathing. “Ok, time’s up, he said, pulling out of her.” “But aren’t you going to cum?” she asked, pretending it was his pleasure, not hers, that she was concerned about. “I’ll finish on my own, thanks,” he said, handing her her dress. “Fine,” she spat, clearly irritated. She handed him a few bills from her purse and stalked out of the house.

Ryan sighed, sitting down on the couch to rest his legs for a moment. His next appointment should be here any minute. His head shot up when he heard a soft, tentative knock on the door. Yup, that sounds like him, he thought. He knocks just like he speaks. Ryan stood up and found his clothes, dressing before walking over to the door. He liked to start off every session fully clothed. It gave the client the impression that she, (in this case, he) was the only one that day.

Ryan opened the door to see a thin, pale-faced, handsome man before him. “Hey there,” Ryan said casually. “Hi. My name is Tom Hiddleston. We spoke on the phone?” Tom’s voice rose, making it sound like he was asking a question instead of making a statement. Ryan stepped aside to let him in. “Yes. You seemed very nervous. That’s unusual thing to come across in my line of work. I assume it’s your first time trying anything like this?” It took all Ryan had not to roll his eyes and laugh as he spoke. This boy’s hands were visibly shaking, and his voice quivered as he spoke, but despite his awkwardness, he was charming. “Y-yes, it is. It’s just that this wasn’t my idea. My…my agent thought this would be good for me. She thinks I need to have more confidence in dealing with women.” “Women?” Ryan raised his eyebrow. “And so you came to me?” “Well women are still…quite intimidating to me. I wanted to start with you and work my way up.” Ryan eyed him. “Oh no I didn’t mean it like that! Men are great. Wonderful. Just…not my area.” “Ok, ok,” Ryan laughed. “Relax.” He looked into Tom’s eyes, his voice suddenly getting quieter. “Come here.”

He took Tom by the hand and pulled him in. His eyes traveled to Tom’s lips. It was as if there was an invisible emanating from Tom’s body, beckoning to Ryan. He began to lean in slowly, and wrapped his other hand around Tom’s neck. Their lips were almost touching when suddenly Tom jumped back.

“Wait,” he said. “Shouldn’t we…shouldn’t we get to know each other before we do this? Even just a little?” Ryan sighed deeply. “Well that’s not how we usually do things here, but sure, if it would make you more comfortable.” Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed, but Tom gestured to the table in the corner of the room. “Could we do this like civilized human beings, please?” “Of course,” Ryan replied, standing and quickly walking over to the black table, pulling a chair out for Tom. Tom walked over and sat down, muttering a “Thank you.” “Alright, what would you like to know?” Ryan asked, settling into the seat across from Tom. Tom opened his mouth to speak, but his mind drew a blank. His stomach began to churn, and he realized that he was more nervous at the prospect of talking to Ryan than at the prospect of touching him. “I…I don’t know. Sorry. I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea. I should never have come here.” Tom began to get up from his seat. Ryan reached his hand across the table and put it on Tom’s. “Well you’re here now. Just sit down for a bit. Talking won’t kill you.” Tom reluctantly sank back into his hair, inhaling shakily.

“Since you don’t know what to ask, could I go first?” Ryan asked. Tom nodded, looking down at his hands. “What makes you so nervous about having casual sex?” Tom looked up. He hadn’t expected that. He’d expected a question such as, “How old are you?” Or, “What do you do in your free time?” He stared into Ryan’s eyes for a moment, reading him, before replying. “That’s a rather loaded question. I guess I’m just…afraid that if I do that, I’ll only have casual sex partners. And I’ll never meet anyone worthwhile.” He shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal, but his words hung in the air. Ryan nodded and a heavy silence filled the room.

To break the deafening silence, Tom said, “Alright, my turn. Why do you work in the porn industry?” Ryan lifted his eyes from the ground and stared into Tom’s. “Same reason,” he muttered. They held each other’s gaze for what seemed like eternity. Tom gulped under Ryan's stare.

"Umm, I think we can begin now, Tom. Go ahead." Ryan sat back, waiting. Tom raised an eyebrow, looking confused. Ryan signed. "You said you wanted to learn to have sex with women. Go ahead, Hiddleston. Show me what a man you are." Tom was still frozen. "Here, I'll help you. Give me a moment to get into character.

After a brief pause, he placed a dainty hand to the corner of his mouth, and giggled coquettishly. Then he twirled his long hair, looking at Tom with innocent eyes. Ryan stopped and looked at Tom, who was still frozen. "What are you waiting for? The perfect moment to tell me you have erectile dysfunction? Throw me on the table and fuck me,” Ryan exclaimed, squealing in a high pitched, female voice.

"That's not-" Tom hesitated. "That's not how I usually picture it happening." Ryan’s smile dropped, and he let himself fall out of character. “Then how do you usually picture it, Tom?” he asked softly.  “Like this.” Tom leaned across and kissed Ryan. Tenderly, sweetly. He brought his hands up, cradling Ryan’s head. Tom’s lips were so soft, he kissed so gently, that Ryan couldn’t help but moan into Tom’s mouth.

Ryan needed more than this. He wanted to press his body against Tom’s, feel every inch of him. He pulled back and walked around the table to Tom. Standing so close to him, Ryan was suddenly nervous. Why am I nervous? I’m a prostitute for goodness sake, he thought. This is my job. He looked down at his feet as Tom stepped closer.

“Hey,” Tom whispered, raising Ryan’s chin up with a finger. He looked right into Ryan’s eyes. “It’s alright, I’m scared, too.” His lips claimed Ryan’s once again. This time the kisses were faster, more urgent. Ryan gasped as Tom lifted him up, still kissing him, and sat him on the edge of the table. Ryan’s arms wound around Tom’s neck, as Ryan let out little breaths, a bit overwhelmed by the long forgotten sensation of foreplay. Tom’s lips traveled to Ryan’s ear, cheek, jaw, placing a line of kisses along its edge. Tom kissed down his neck and found his sweet spot, sucking it and smiling when he was rewarded with a moan.

Ryan’s penis was straining against his pants. He needed more. He needed to feel Tom on top of him. Ryan wrapped his hands around Tom’s waist, pulling him down. Tom fell on top, gasping out of surprise. Then he chuckled. Looking down at the skinny, long-haired boy below him, Tom was in awe. His eyes traveled over Ryan’s delicate face, thin arms and legs. How could this beautiful, fragile-looking boy possibly be a porn star?

“Tom…” Ryan moaned, annoyed that Tom had stopped. Is he even straight? He looks very feminine, Tom continued. His train of thought was interrupted when Ryan leaned his head up to kiss him. His kisses reminded Tom of a cute, tiny animal that thought it was ferocious. Yup, definitely not straight, he smirked.

He ran his fingers through Ryan's long hair, pulling it back to expose his long neck, kissing it slowly. Ryan bit back a moan. No one had ever done that to him before. He’d always had the feeling he was missing out on something, but he didn’t know what. He never thought being touched by someone could be this intoxicating.

Tom was working fast, already planting quick, random kisses up Ryan’s belly. He was thoroughly enjoying Ryan small, hard six-pack, and lifting his shirt as he went. Ryan lay helpless, watching Tom enjoy his body. All he could do was lift up his arms to help Tom remove his shirt, and be an accomplice to his own undoing.

Tom’s eyes traveled to Ryan’s pants. That’s the next step, he thought. Suddenly he was filled with a sensation of panic. He abruptly sat up, disappearing for what seemed like an eternity to Ryan. Ryan sat up as well. “Tom, what in the world are you doing?” he demanded. “Folding your shirt. Give me a minute.” Tom’s breathing was heavy, his hands shaking, as he fumbled with Ryan’s shirt, pretending to be preoccupied with folding it.

Ryan grabbed Tom’s hands, stilling them. He gazed into Tom’s frantic, fear-filled eyes. “Tom…we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” “We do,” he replied. “I do. I need to…practice.” Hearing this made Ryan cringe. Is Tom really doing this only so he can learn how to fuck women? he wondered. Of course he is. This is my job. It’s just a job. And Tom is just another client. “Alright,” Ryan said, laying back down. “Just calm down and continue when you’re ready.” His tone was a bit more harsh than he intended it to be.

Tom came back down, his breathing still shaky. His breath fell over Ryan’s body, tickling his skin and sending shivers up his spine. Tom brought his mouth to the edge of Ryan’s shorts, hovering there before placing a single kiss right above his pants. Ryan bit back a moan. From now on he would refuse to show any emotion during this…transaction. That’s what it was. A business transaction. I just have to relax and stay in control of myself, he thought.

But it was too late. Tom had already pulled down his pants and underwear in one motion, and put his mouth on Ryan’s cock. Ryan let out a loud moan. How hadn’t he noticed before that blowjobs could feel so good?

Ryan was still out of breath when Tom’s cell phone rang. Tom climbed off, looked at the number, and breathed a quick, “Thanks dude.” He pulled on his underwear and dropped a wad of cash on the table beside Ryan, then grabbed the rest of his clothes and hurried out the door. Ryan didn’t even have time to register what was happening.

He laid on the table for a few more minutes, listening to his breath, his mind still in a daze from the orgasm. Slowly, he came back down to reality. Turning his head to survey the empty room, he heard the deafening ticking of the living room clock. Tom’s gone, he finally realized. In the corner of his eye he saw Tom’s wad of money, and immediately swiped it off the table in disgust. Then he turned on his side, curled up into the fetal position, and, letting out a whimper, willed himself to sleep.

Tom was in his room, pacing back and forth. He’d tried to call Ryan twice already, but he could not will his fingers to move. I can’t believe I let a week- an entire week- pass by, he thought. Ryan has probably forgotten who I am by now. But I have to do this. I have to try, at least. He sighed, picking up his phone once more.

“Hello?” Ryan answered, panting like he’d just run a marathon. “Hi, it’s Tom. I just…I wanted to talk to you.” “Tom, I can’t talk right now-” “This is important, Ryan. Just listen. I got up the courage to say this, but if you stop me now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go through with it later. Ryan, I…I think I’m in love with you.” “Tom, I told you…I’m…busy…I can’t…talk about this right now.” Ryan exhaled deeply. “Oh…what are you doing?” Tom asked. Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Take a guess.”

“Well, I’m coming over. Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Tom snapped, hanging up. Ryan rolled his eyes, throwing his phone aside. He continued to thrust into the woman under him.

Ryan had been at it for what seemed like hours. The woman was impressed with how long he could last. He was begging himself to cum, praying that this would be over already. But it seemed that he couldn’t.

Suddenly, he heard a door slam. He turned his head to see Tom, a panting, sweaty mess, leaning against the wall. His hair was slightly disheveled and his coat was misbuttoned. Tom was staring at the naked couple before him, disbelief and disillusionment in his eyes.

Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, strangely thankful for the completely out-of-line, uncalled for intrusion. He pulled out of the woman and stood up. “Time’s up,” he muttered. “Well,” the woman sighed, “I must say, that was impressive. You sure wore me out…”

But Ryan tuned her out. His eyes locked with Tom’s, and he felt his feet move toward him. Inches away from Tom, he asked, “What are you doing here?” Tom looked into his eyes. “I told you, Ryan. I’m in love with you. I wanted to see you. And then when I found out you were…having sex with someone else, I couldn’t bear the thought of it. So here I am.”

“Here you are. And what do you want me to do? Jump into your arms and be yours forever? That’s not how it works, Tom.” Ryan’s voice was calm and measured, but with a growing edge of agitation.

“Why not? We both had an amazing time last week. Are you really going to deny that?” Tom’s voice got higher with each word. “Yes, of course I am. It was a job, Tom. You came here to learn to fuck women. That’s what I taught you. End of story,” Ryan said, sternly. “So you’re saying that every moan, every uneven breath, every time you begged me not to stop…that was all an act?” Tom’s lower lip was quivering involuntarily. “No, I’m not saying that…” Ryan’s voice trailed off.”

“Then what are you saying? Did you enjoy the sex? Do you have feelings for me?” Tom stopped himself, noticing the overwhelmed expression in Ryan’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ryan. This was stupid of me. To just barge in like this and ask a million questions and assume you’d even care. This is your job and I was just another client. I get it.” Tom turned to leave, but then turned back around.

“Just answer one question for me. Just one. You’re not straight, are you?” Ryan sighed. “I’m not. But it doesn’t even matter.” “Why not?” Tom asked. “Because you’re the one who left, Tom. You came, pulled out, and ran! And then you come in here a week later, expecting me to profess my love for you?”

“Ryan, I…I’m sorry about that. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I was scared. I’d felt something I had never felt before. I didn’t think I could ever be attracted to a man. But…what I felt with you was so much more intense than what I’d ever felt with any woman. I needed time to figure out what was happening to me.” Tom’s voice was small, pleading.

Ryan looked wary. “Look, Tom, I’ve been through a lot in life. A lot of break-ups, a lot of disappointments. After a while I got fed up with it all. So I chose to leave my emotions behind. I made myself numb. I got into porn and prostitution. Straight porn and prostitution, to ensure I’d never be attracted to anyone I had sex with. And it has been working for me. It’s not ideal, but it’s how I live my life now. I make a living, I’m never lonely, and my emotions don’t get in my way. It’s too late to change it. Especially for you, Tom.” “Especially for me?” Tom repeated, his voice a hoarse whisper. “Why?” “Because you’re not even sure you like men! All you know is you had sex with me and it felt good! That’s hardly a reason for me change my entire life for you.”

“But…you felt it to, Ryan. That…connection. I know you did.” Tom was on the verge of crying, his tears threatening to spill over any second.” “Who cares about what I felt? I don’t, and you certainly didn’t. You left without a backward glance. End of discussion.” He turned his back to Tom, crossing his arms.

“I know I did, Ryan. And that must have felt horrible. No amount of justification could excuse the fact that I disappointed you. Hurt you.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “So I want you to hurt me.” Ryan turned around, surprised. “I want you to use me, Ryan. Use me like I used you. Fuck me and then leave me. Make me feel as disposable as I made you feel. Because, honestly, I’d go through all that, just to be with you one more time.

Ryan realized he was facing Tom. He gasped, trying to hide his growing boner. Tom’s eyes traveled to Ryan’s crotch. Tom chuckled. “It’s not funny,” Ryan yelled, infuriated. This is so unfair, he thought. After so many years of building my walls, one frail, insecure boy is going to break them down. His eyes found Tom’s, as Tom held his breath for Ryan’s answer. Ryan sighed. Well, if I’m going to surrender, I might as well take him down with me, he thought. “Alright. Sounds good to me,” he said.

 


End file.
